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I’m going to save up for a new motorcycle by running a scam where I bet straight dudes at bars twenty bucks that I can get a girl’s number in under five minutes and then politely walk up her and say, “I just bet that asshole twenty bucks that I could get your number. I’ll split it with you if you pretend to laugh like I just said a good pick up line and then write a fake number on my hand.”
Like, I never understood those kind of bets in those shitty teen movies. Everybody loves being part of a scheme, man. Use your head.
If anyone ever does this to me I’ll call them out on being a con artist.
Joke’s on you, buddy. That’ll only have consequences the first, what, couple dozen times? I can take a punch.
But then eventually, I’ll have money for the bike, and whenever I get called out, I’ll just speed off, and, sure, maybe I crash and die in a gutter and the police can’t figure out why I have hundreds of fake phone numbers stuffed in my jacket and it launches a huge investigation that becomes sort of a local legend, but you know whose problem that is? Not fucking mine.
Because I’m a slutty motorcycle ghost, and who’s gonna’ stop me then? The ghost cops? Nice try. Everybody knows cops can’t become ghosts because they just go straight to hell. It’s basic math.
Moral of the story, don’t be a con artist or you will die in a horrible accident and become a lonely ghost.
First of all, don’t you ever accuse me of having morals, narrative or otherwise, ever again.
And second, where did I say I’d be lonely? I’d be a ghost on a motorcycle. That’s the sexiest thing that there is. You look me in the eyes and tell me you wouldn’t bone Ghostrider. Look me in the goddamn eyes.
Also, what if you actually DO get some girl’s number through that, and actually DO wind up dating her?
Actually, if that happens, what’s your plan because that is a thing that could happen.
Resources for Male Victims of Abuse
How to Recognize Abuse
**Sexual Assault of Men and Boys
**Men Can Be Victims of Abuse, Too
**Domestic Violence Against Men – Know the Signs
**Information for Male Survivors of Sexual Abuse
**Battered Men, Battered Husbands
**For Male Survivors of Rape and Sexual Abuse
**Male Survivors of Incest and Sexual Child Abuse
**Help for Men Who Are Being Abused
Help Lines (Phone and Text Chat)
National Domestic Violence Hotline: 1-800-799-7233 (or 1-800-787-3224 for TTY)
National Dating Abuse Hotline: 1-866-331-9474
National Sexual Assault Hotline: 1-800-656-4673
National Suicide Prevention Hotline: 1-800-237-8255
Domestic Abuse Helpline for Men: 1-888-743-5754 (US and Canada)
Hopeline Suicide Prevention Hotline: 1-800-784-2433
National Hotline for Victims of Crimes: 1-855-484-2846
National Human Trafficking Hotline: 1-888-373-7888
Polaris Human Trafficking Text Line: Text “BEFREE” to 233733
**1in6/RAINN Chat for Male Survivors of Sexual Abuse
Support Groups
Pandora’s Aquarium – Chat (includes chats specifically for men)
Pandora’s Aquarium – Forums (includes forums specifically for men)
How to Find a Shelter
Domestic Shelters Search (shelter locator with filters to find shelters specifically for male survivors)
SAFE (located in Austin, TX, but states they can help people find resources/shelters in their area)
How to Find a Therapist
**Male Survivor Therapist Directory
Mental Health Services Locator
Resources for and About the Abuse of Kids/Teens
Love is Respect Hotline: 1-866-331-9474 (Hotline for teens)
Darkness to Light Helpline (Sexual Abuse): 1-866-367-5444
Darkness to Light Text Line: Text “LIGHT” to 741741
ChildHelp USA National Child Abuse Hotline: 1-800-422-4453
Children of the Night Hotline (Children in Prostitution): 1-800-551-1300
National Runaway Safeline: 1-800-786-2929
Covenant House Nineline (Homeless Youth): 1-800-999-9999
Stop it Now Hotline: 1-888-773-2362 (for adults concerned about the welfare of a child)
Jennifer Ann’s Group (for teens experiencing dating violence)
Other Resource Lists
(While I tried to include the most helpful resources I could here (i.e., resources that lend themselves to one-on-one communication, individual reading, etc.), there are plenty of other great resources, including regional resources, listed in these links. Some of the resources are specific to men and others aren’t, but they are all helpful for male survivors.)
**Male Survivor (regional, international, and online resources)
**Husband Battering: Men and Domestic Violence
**Help for Battered Men: Online Resources
**Help for Battered Men: National and International Resources
**Help for Guys: Help for Victims (some resources for men, many general resources)
This is so important.
SLAMS that reblog
This is amazing @sexuallymonsterous you are a good person for putting this list together.
When tumblr goes down find me on myspace.com
“An upgrade isn’t someone who looks better than your last. An upgrade is someone who treats, appreciates, and values you more than your last.”
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DONT! PUT! CREEPY! CAPTIONS! ON! PICTURES! THAT! ARENT! YOURS!
if a girl sends u saucy pics u gotta lose ur shit and act like u never seen a titty before its jus etiquette
It’s kinda hot when someone can reply to your sarcasm with sarcasm instead of just getting offended

